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Sunday 29 November 2020

3 things movies did not teach me about sex

To all the movies that taught me nothing

Sex. As a 27-year-old woman, this word isn't scary, it's quite a normal part of life if I'm honest but getting to that point was fucking terrifying. Mainly due to absolutely terrible sex education in the schooling system and points of references in movies and entertainment being SO WRONG IT'S SCARY. So here are 3 crucial aspects to sex that were completely and utterly ignored by mainstream movies. 

If you're considering heading out there in the wide world of online dating via sites such as Derbyshire Dating* you probably should read ahead to get realistic expectations of the world. Online dating seems to be the way forward in the modern-day so it seems inevitable you'll have to encounter. I guess my first lesson is ignore everything you've ever seen about online dating in movies. The depictions seem to be either prince charming in every way, or an absolute disaster. There are Prince Charmings on there (I found my soon to be husband on an online dating app) and there is 100% disasters but they both remain in the minority - most dating sites are filled with generally normal guys and girls and it's about finding the right one for you.

Sex Inflatable Balloons

For the purpose of this post 'movies' are exactly that. Ones you'd see in a cinema and not 18+ ones you'll access in your incognito tab - if you're learning about sex from those particular movies please stop! Your partner won't appreciate it.

You are not defined by your relationship status - equally, men can't 'complete' you

A lot has changed in the world of film since I was growing up and we've now got some real teenage heroines and even Disney are getting on board and producing films where the women are *shock horror* fully capable of functioning without a man's attention. But when I was growing up every Disney movie had a damsel in distress whose sole aim and function was to find the right man, whether that's John Smith, Prince Charming, etc. etc. now I still adore these movies but the way they represent women isn't great. The same goes for the majority of 'teen movies' (see American Pie, Superbad, etc.) women are seen as the goal of sex-fuelled teenage boys. 

Hey, guess what? girls like sex too in fact sometimes we pursue it. This notion that girls should sit around and wait to be the object of someone's affection and that they're just passive in the process of relationships and sex is very very incorrect. Luckily dating sites such as Derbyshire Singles* allow ladies to get out there and seek what they're looking for (whatever that might be)


Consent is the sexiest thing out there. No ifs or buts, knowing someone cares about you and understands the need to check-in and make sure that what's about to happen is ok is sexy. 

It's rare that verbal consent is shown on film, obviously, it's implied in many films and that's ok if non-verbal cues are given are both parties are happy and comfortable. But all too often there are elements of coercion, persistence and intoxication before sex scenes.

I'm not saying you need to totally abstain from drinking, but you should be fully compus mentis enough to understand what's happening and be able to give verbal consent.

Consent is sexy - seek it, every single time. Continue to seek it during the act and if at any point the answer is no then stop.

Safe Sex and Foreplay

Think back to every rom-com, every sex scene in movies you've ever watched? Now think how many of them demonstrate safe sex, now these couples could have another form of contraception of course but the absolute disregard for showing condoms in movies is downright irresponsible. The movies that do include condoms are often comedies where it's a bit of a joke - think the Naked Gun safe sex scene. There are a handful of movies that get top marks (Judd Apatow movies 40 year old Virgin and Superbad both make strong scenes on the condom usage) and surprisingly Trainspotting - despite the chaotic lives they live Ewan Mcgregors character does take a condom off after sex.

Now I understand that movies prefer to show a fast and furious sex scene where emotions are overcome and the characters just can't keep their hands off each other but in real life if you go straight from kissing to sex you may not be 'ready' for the act. Foreplay is crucial to a successful sex session - especially for women with around 75% unable to orgasm from intercourse alone.

So really, movies are absolutely terrible at depicting sex. Practice foreplay A LOT. And always have safe sex to protect yourself and your partner

Sex Lessons Not in Movies

What do you think is the most realistic depiction of sex in movies?

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